Happy New Year!
Today's post will be different than usual. I want to share a little bit about myself and why I started doing youtube and blogging. Many people may assume or think that I'm doing it to get fame or I'm just crazy to put myself out on the internet for the world to see.
First and foremost I do it because of passion and interest. I am very passionate about makeup, fashion and travel. When I was a teenager, I have a sketchbook with me all the time in my bag and like to design my own Eid outfit to show my tailor how I want my clothes to look like, and when my mother is not home, I will sneaked into her room and play with her makeup stash, doing different looks (Most of us do that right?).
I've been watching Youtube and reading Blogs for about 5 years and counting. It becomes part of my life as I watch it every single day. Without fail. Every single day since then, I've had the idea of starting one.
I see Youtube and Blog as a blank canvas that I can do anything with. I can be creative. The passion grew when I started doing videos and editing them for work presentation, competitions, with help from some of my computer pros colleague and friends. I learned and pick up things from there.
I had my daughter back in 2010, almost had a miscarriage but she manage to stay strong and survive the pregnancy and was born on 7 October 2010. She is turning 6 this year (how time flies).
After I've had my girl, I had 4 miscarriages. By the 4th, people would have think that it gets easier. But it actually gets harder. I went into depression. A bad one that almost cost me my life.
I don't sleep at night for many days crying in one of the rooms and my husband have to deal with this too. It wasn't easy for him seeing me this way. When I'm at work I remain loud and joyous, but deep inside, no one knows.
Running has always been a way for me to de-stress my life and makes me feel better but after the D&C, I cannot run, I cannot walk, I do not know how to make myself happy. I even tried committing suicide by overdosing myself with painkillers. Halfway through, I thought of my daughter. "Do I want her to see me die this way?" "Am I teaching her that dying is the only way out of problems?" "Did my religion taught me this?" and committing suicide means I will not even smell the scent of heaven when I die. My answer was NO.
I turned to Almighty Allah (SWT), I prayed when I was able to (after my one month bleeding due to endometriosis), keep myself calm, read the Quran every night. It helps me.
I was not doing well at work, I kept falling ill. Appointments upon appointments. I tell myself that I have to do something to make myself better, I still have a daughter who is very young and needs me. I want to have my old energy back.
I needed something to keep my motivation up, my energy and passion alive. I started thinking about blogging, coz I love to write my thoughts out and enjoy reading about beauty and lifestyle. I explore blogging and youtube and really just want to share what I love with people who have common interest as me. I was afraid of being tease and boo-ed at. At this stage of my life, I don't think many things scares me as much. I just jumped in.
I find that its very therapeutic to edit the videos and take pictures for my blogs, here, the outlet for my creativity and the possibilities is endless. You never know what you can do until you try. I asked for a camera for my birthday from my parents and brother.
And here I am. A quote that I like to remind myself, " When life give you lemons, make lemonade."
2015 was not my year and am glad that it was over and done with. I like the start of a new year as I always see it as a fresh start and I like to make goals for myself.
Xoxo
Ain
